Understanding Domestic Abuse: Emotional Abuse
Understanding Domestic Abuse: Emotional Abuse
Trina L.C. Sonnenberg
What is the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the terms, domestic abuse, or battered woman? Black eyes, broken bones, bruises... am I right? Generally speaking, that's what most people think of first, but domestic abuse is so much more.
What is emotional/psychological abuse, and how does it relate to battered women?"... coercion, humiliation, intimidation, relational aggression, parental alienation or covert incest: Where one person uses emotional or psychological coercion to compel another to do something they do not want, or is not in their best interests; or when one person manipulates another's emotional or psychological state for their own ends, or commits psychological aggression using ostensibly non-violent methods to inflict mental or emotional violence or pain on another."
This type of abuse occurs alone, or as a precursor to violent abuse. Either way, the damage it causes is inexcusable. Emotional/psychological abuse, is the first and most often used weapon in a relationship, where one partner demands control of the other. Outside of causing death, it is the most damaging form of abuse, and the most stealthy. Studies indicate that 1 in every 4 women have experienced emotional/psychological abuse, without having been physically assaulted.
Those who are emotionally abused have no physical proof of the abuse. How do you report such things? What are you going to say to the officer on the phone, or at the door? As a result, this type of abusive treatment is not reported to police.
Psychological abuse can be so severe that the woman going through it may begin showing symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder, a psychological affliction affecting war veterans. This is why therapy for the victim is critical.
Many woman experience isolation from family and friends, who would provide a possible support system. Some are not permitted access to money, or employment. The combination of these two tactics tighten the noose, making escape appear impossible.
These women are continually told, by their abuser, that they are stupid, unlovable, incapable, and worthless. Nothing they do is ever good enough, and the abuser is quite vocal about it. And, as the icing on the cake, if she would just do what she's told, everything would be right with the world. Yeah right!
Emotional abuse tears down a woman's sense of self. It warps her perception of the world around her. His reality becomes her reality; she is the problem. This is some seriously profound identity theft.
The truth is that he is the problem, and she is the solution, but neither of them see it that way. She believes what she's told to believe.
Psychological abusers work to keep her off balance. If he can make her doubt herself, he wins another round. Abusers contradict themselves often, in order to make her feel as though she's really crazy. She can't function without him, if she doesn't trust her own mind.
However, as I said before... She is the solution. She can change her life; no one else can, but she often needs someone to recognize the abuse; help her see it and escape it.
What do you do when something is broken? You fix it! Now she can't fix her abuser, only he can do that. Nevertheless, she can fix her life and the circumstances in which she lives. She can seek and get support for mind, body and spirit. There are services available to her for food, shelter, legal assistance, etc.. So, if you know someone who is being abused, or if you suspect it, reach out to them. Most women who are emotionally abused don't even realize that what they are going through is abuse.
Copyright © 2007
The Trii-Zine Ezine
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About the Author:
A domestic abuse survivor, Trina Sonnenberg used writing as a coping mechanism during her years of abuse. Her book, 'My Journey' is the result of that personal struggle and has been published as a way of offering solidarity and hope to others who are in a similar situation.
Trina L.C. Sonnenberg
Publisher - The Trii-Zine Ezine - Your Trusted Source for Internet Business and Marketing Information. Serving online professionals since 2001. ISSN# 1555-2276
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Keywords: domestic abuse, domestic violence, abuser, emotional abuse, psychological abuse
Dear Trina,
7 comments:
Gee, Trina, what an absolutely one-sided posting. Doesn't it occur to you that under the "wikipedia" definition of emotional abuse, that men can also be emotionally abused. Your post does not even touch upon that and therefore all it does is incite as opposed to solve any issue.
Christopher Lynch, Hong Kong
Yes, it is a one-sided post. If you will notice I wrote the question, how does it affect battered women?
I am aware that men can be emotionally abused; anyone can be emotionally abused. Children suffer it the most, I think. No one deserves to be abused. Men, women, or children.
I am advocating for battered women. I am a survivor of abuse myself. I seek to incite change in the attitudes of people toward battered women. I am wanting to help women. (30% of all homicides committed against women are at the hands of an intimate partner.) Women and children are beaten to death every day, and it all starts with psychological/emotional abuse.
Why don't you write an article about emotional abuse in men?
Pretty one sided viewpoint. Check my blog for another point of view with respect to what a woman can do to a man.
http://parentalalienationcanada.blogspot.com
Mike Murphy
You know Mike, women can do some pretty nasty things to men; I never said otherwise. However, the article is not about what women can do to men. It focuses on abused women, not abused men. I am writing about what I know. I was a battered woman, and I write from my personal knowledge and experience.
I am advocating for women and children. Women and children are abused and killed by men more than men are abused, or killed by them. That is my focus. My message to women is that they do not have to suffer abuse, and to educate all people about the problems these women face.
It's great that you are bringing the plight of men out into the open. BRAVO!
No one deserves to be abused - EVER! Including men.
Visit my web site: http://www.trinaschiller.ws
Thanks. I understand your perspective. Mine is likewise from my own perspective. Hank tough. Best wishes!
Mike Murphy
We are a group of American Indians and friends that know and worked with Joy Loftin while she was employed at the Vanderbilt YMCA here in New York City. During the length of her employment, several extremely disturbing incidents occurred that cause us to be concerned and call into question the motives and the integrity of Shan Colorado Finnerty, Hortensia Colorado, and Elvira Colorado.
On several occasions, Joy came to work with visible bruises on her neck and arms. She eventually explained to us that Shan had punched, beaten, and choked her and she asked us for help. As wardens for the community, we tried to place Joy in women’s shelters around the city in an effort to mitigate the abuse. However, at the urging of Shan’s mother and aunt, Hortensia and Elvira, she returned to their apartment and refused to press criminal charges against Shan Colorado Finnerty. The abuse continued and one day, she came to work very early, visibly distressed and crying, with more bruises and abrasions. She said that Shan had verbally abused and beaten her once again; that she wanted to return to California, and that she was going to quit her job and reunite with her family. She tendered her resignation later that week. Out of concern for her safety and in an effort to find out what happened to her, we requested an officer from the domestic violence unit of the 5th Precinct conduct a welfare check at their home on Kenmare Street. However the officer was unable to find anyone at the apartment, and therefore could not verify that Joy was safe. We realize that she is suffering from battered women’s syndrome and may be unable to help herself due to the isolationist environment that the Colorados have formed around her. Abusive men are often enabled by their family, while the victim is persuaded to believe the abuse is her fault, and the pattern of emotional and physical trauma continues. Taking into consideration what has happened to Joy Loftin, it is especially deceitful that their display “Altar: El Llanto De La Resistencia” at the American Indian Community House was in part dedicated to victims of domestic violence.
In light of these events, we are dismayed, disappointed, and outraged to know that members of the American Indian Community would commit, condone, and perpetuate domestic abuse and violence, while simultaneously conducting workshops, writing and performing plays, and displaying works and art that would have the public and those who support them believe otherwise. It is a vulgar and offensive misrepresentation of American Indian Culture, and further support of Coatlicue Theater, Hortensia Colorado, Elvira Colorado, Shan Colorado Finnerty and their work is tantamount to supporting domestic abuse and violence. Considering their duplicitous behavior, having them represent American Indian Culture is an insult to the dignity of American Indians and an affront to human beings.
We are therefore informing you we will not attend nor support any Coatlicue Theater productions or events where they will be featured. We will be encouraging others that might consider attending, participating, or funding them to do the same. Our actions are warranted, and to be associated with the aforementioned individuals and Coatlicue Theater would be equivalent to enabling and contributing to such offensive behaviour.
We urge everyone to reevaluate their support of Coatlicue Theater and the Colorados, and question the individuals concerned. Until the responsible individuals are held accountable and measures are taken to verify that the abuse is no longer occurring, we will continue with our boycott, and will strongly urge others to do the same.
There is not much to say from my side other than that I have experienced 5 years of emotional abuse from a man who triggered all the symptoms verifying. I got medical statemnets from hospitals and profesionals, and I had no support as you are left alone. Unfortrunately still nowadays emotional domestic abuse is a under estimated issue, but vistims are loosing family, friends , jobs and their thread of life. I wish that the harm can be recognized and hopefully governments and law systems are able to make adjsutments. I still feel that it might be an issue undervalued in our society - whether we talk about child/women or men emotional abuse. I appreciate anybody supporting to move forward for a better in all of us.
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